I'm done being frustrated

So here goes.



This is me

+ my baggage
+ my set of problems.



Do I lose stuff or build bigger muscles?

Lorne

Oh man, just spent a weekend in Lorne. The drive up was amazing, I guess I never took the great ocean road seriously til now, it really was prettier than I thought. We stopped by a couple of vineyards along the way, and did some tasting at Oakdene over lunch. I'm clueless about wine, but the food was good! So yeah, country Victoria's got pretty amazing scenery. Then we got to Lorne, and oh yeah, Julian came along too, with me, mum and my bro. Ok, its still pretty early right now I'm a little groggy, not even sure why I'm up.

Yeah we went up on Saturday. That night in Lorne we watched like 3 or 4 hours of old music videos from the 70s, 80s and 90s, maybe a couple of early 00's. Oh man, it was hilarious. MC Hammer, C+C Music Factory, the Macarena, it was all there.

And then the next morning we went to the beach and dug a hole. Wasn't as big as the one in Frankston, but it resembled a well. Oh well. Then we had really quick lunch and rove back home. Yeah I missed out some stuff but I'm really sore from all the digging and I feel like going back to bed. So yeah, bye.

Am I Just a Guitarist?

I guess I have an identity crisis. Am I a son? A brother? A friend? A student? A teacher? A guitarist? A photographer? An optimist? A realist? A sceptic? A critic? A loser? A lover?

It all feels very fragmented, sometimes contrary and well, I don't feel whole. It seems none of it is really integrated, I have no integrity. I'm a broken fractured human being. But at least I am still human. If anything, no, if everything were stripped away, at least I still have the right to be called human, because the same Spirit that defined humanity by being breathed into it is still here.

And maybe that's where clarity will begin for me this time.

Teach me how to be a human being. To be fully human. To be whole.

And so summer approaches, with a hint of freshness and insight.



Clarity. I can't wait.

exams are over

so why do i feel so meh.

Pharmacology Exam Tomorrow

Was just revising a bit of brain anatomy and physiology for pharmalogical activity in the CNS. I think this video is boomz.



I'm not wasting (too much) time, I swear!

Movember

I think number 8 might be my favourite.

That and the free Grilld bugers. AWESOME.

Clarity

Focus. It shifts in and out, slipping between foreground and background. Where something was once clear, only a blurred artefact remains, while all the distractions surround it become screamingly clear. But I think today, I heard a click, an opportune moment to open the shutters, if only to capture just a few milliseconds of exposure. I know at times clarity will escape me once again, so if anything, let this be a point of reference for those times.

Suzanne prayed for me after today's programme, and I caught a glimpse of a big picture. A bigger picture than what I'd been contending with of late, it helped me make sense of the minute things that tugged and pulled at me. In a nutshell, she said I had a warrior spirit. It sounds a little spooky dooky out there-ish, but I think I understand. I understand now why I keep getting frustrated with the things around me, the things in me. I understand why I'm constantly skirmishing with every thought I think, every action my hands find to do. I understand why I constantly need to question and wrestle.

Thank God for Suzanne, and for His word of encouragement, because I'd come very close to raising the white flag. No, I'm not tired anymore. Paul's thing, in most all his writings, was the mystery of God's will revealed to Him in Christ, that is the intention of installing humanity into the status of sonship. Everyone experiences different pathways for the fulfilment as their adoptions and sons and daughters of God. I guess this is my journey.

This is my set of problems.

This is my blessing.

It takes my sleep

It's bugging me, gnawing away in some dark corner of my very being, something's not right, I know it, but what? I can't live like this, I can't accept that this is it, there's more, there's got to be more. I was made for bigger things, how did my vision get so small? When did my scope get fogged up? I'm not a little upset, I'm downright pissed, angry at the world, at the systems that hold me down and bind me to the beast. I'm furious. Something's got to give. Something has to change. How could I drop my guard? I've been caught again, I've been bought and sold for months without realising it. I won't stand for it any longer, nor will my Father.





Redeemed.

Boulders

The past two weeks have been the most trying I've ever had. I can physically feel my shoulders ache, its the biggest fight I've ever fought. The less than ideal sleep patterns, the neverending stream of assignments, projects, and its all culminates today when it'll all end. Supposedly. Top it off with a diagnosis of asthma and a prescription of inhalant steroids. All the coughing's really taken a toll on my ribs, I'm aching all over.

But all of this put some things back into perspective for me, reminded me of what I'd resolved a long time ago. At the very core of it, I've already got nothing left to lose. To the point where I'm broke, homeless and starving, the only thing worse would probably be to die. Which is ultimately my goal anyway. To let go of my life, lay it down, and take it back up again. Morbid, yep, but it does shape the way I spend my time breathing.

Anyway, the day isn't over yet. There's more to do, more to lose, but ultimately more to gain.

When an essay gets all Darth Vader on you...

go Japanese police on his ass!

The path of least resistance

is still about as easy as pushing a cliff backwards right now. Gosh this is really hard, pray for me guys, this physio assignment is taking a massive toll on me.

Discontent?

Yeh, I am. Very much so.

I couldn't even begin to tell you why. I wish I knew. Maybe I'm just feeling a bit emo right now. Maybe I'm frustrated with my assignments. Maybe I fall short of my own expectations of me.

I don't know.

...where the spirit of the I AM is, there is freedom.

-2 Corinthians 3:17

I'm still caught up in what I should be, or what I was/did. I'm living and searching in the places that God is not. YHWH, the I AM, is only found in the present tense. He is not found in the past, nor does He exist in the future.

At the end of the day, I'm still afraid. Afraid of what, I'm not quite sure. But what I know, is I haven't enough courage. Courage to what?

I wish I knew.

Strengths

I went for a run today, first one in ages. Except when I'm late for class or bored and forgot my music, but that's not very far. Today I ran to guitar paradise near Ikea in richmond. It's really interesting, I stopped by couple of places along the way, checked out the Australian Catholic University, the Salvos store (suit jackets for 10 bucks?!), the men's suit warehouse (compared to the $250 suits here?), and tried out a Cole Clark and an Epiphone Casino with a bigsby bridge. The Cole Clark was nice, but I'm very sure my new Martin is way awesomer. WAY. The epiphone was crap. Doesn't sound bad or anything, but the action's way higher than I'm used to with my electric, and the sustain sucks.

Action = height of strings above the fretboard (so the higher it is, the harder it is to play)
Bridge = the bit that holds the strings down on the right hand side of the guitar
Sustain = how long the note holds for after being plucked/strummed

What I understand, and this isn't always necessarily true, is that the higher the action, the better the sustain. So the trick is usually to find the right amount of action such that it's comfortable to play, but you still get enough sustain.

The Casino lacked both, and when I tried the bigsby whammy bar, there was this really loud snap. Scared the hell out of me, it's a freaking expensive guitar. I just pretended I meant to do that and carried on playing so the shop assistant wouldn't notice. And then I retuned it til it sounded decent again and put it back and ran back home.

That was my little adventure for the day, now, I took the strengths finder test just now too... my top 5 strengths are:

Developer
Connectedness
Adaptability
Empathy
Relator

It's odd. I never figured myself as much of a people person, I'm not one to strike up awesome conversations with strangers, and yet, these results do make sense. I guess I just need to re-think what I mean by "people-person". Its interesting cause it explains a lot of things about myself I never really quite understood. But I won't go into detail here.

I'm a strength hero. I'm a lycan. Vladimir's, Power Treads, Vanguard, Buriza, Assault Cuirass, Bloodstone +22 buffs. Pwnage. Not.

ENOUGH DOTA! STUDY! *HOWL*

I W I S H I W A S 10 F E E T S T R O N G E R .

ooh la lah...

how did i play so hard despite drowning in assignments.

shucks.




on one hand, i think i ought to pace things out properly. but momentum's not the easiest foe to stand up against. coupled with the fact that i actually enjoy every second of the experience.




holiday's over, time to buckle down and suck it up.

no complaining, no hesitating.



it's time to kick ass.

FT

Frank Tate. or Fail Time.

meh. physio article damn hard to write le. how howhow?

ok ok, man up chrissik- uh crap.

update? opening for juwita suwito and alarice thio at cafe crema on the 18th of september with ann was too AWESOME. still rattles me that we shared the stage with such big names. well, juwita's big in malaysia, and alarice is from sydney. anyway. WOOO.

uhm, what else. CHARLES WON STORYTELLERS 1!!! Congrats to the man! (Charles is the man)

relationship seminar's been going on. tim's pretty intense. so much stuff to do, so little time. it doesn't feel like a break at all, yet it feels like i'm being wayyyyyy too slack. time to roll up my sleeves (i loooove rolling up my sleeves) and listen to awesome synth music in frank tate while kick physiology assignment butt.

random song lyrics to sign off:

STOP GET UP AND MOVE!

not quite song lyrics. just the helpful tips on display at the frank tate lounge area thingo. BYE!

since i can't seem to get any work done...

i figured a bit of shameless self promo couldn't hurt.

ripped straight from ann's blog, this is crema's flyer:



hmmm... there are timtam crumbs on my bed. i be a lazy lazy slob :(

anyway, here's a pic from joseph, check out the porridge and yu tiao, charsiew pau and lor bar koh!


mmm.

i started playing this game tonight (i know, wtf right? essay's driving me nuts) and within the span of 15 mins, i went from the very bottom, ranking around #9000 to ranking #6045 on the ladder. part of me is impressed with me. but most of me is thinking "i am soooooo stuffed."

anyway. i have a headache now. back to essay writing.

The Definition of

ep.ic |ˈepik|

adjective
of, relating to, or characteristic of an epic or epics : England's national epic poem Beowulf.

• heroic or grand in scale or character : his epic journey around the world | a tragedy of epic proportions.
• the weekend Chris just had.

HAHA. I just spent an insane weekend with ann, joseph, doreen, egene, sarah, aidan, mike, steve, ivy, evie, jane, jen, and matt up in the snow at mt hotham.

oh man it was crazy, and i'm tempted to say it was a much needed break, but i've been having quite a lot of those eh... ahhahaha we were just at frankston last weekend. anyway this trip was awesome!

on wednesday night tim said there were a few empty spots for a snow trip cause chris (willis) and yuli couldn't make it, but it's already been paid for, so they were looking for people to go in their place. after... much thought, ann and i decided to go. we had to give up our relient k tickets! relient k on saturday (how did that go by the way?)! so i sent my lecturer an email explaining my "predicament", and he was most understanding, and so on thursday i managed to finally catch up with him and get an extension for my essay. awesome! so the plan was, we'd follow jason up to the snow on friday afternoon. except on friday morning he calls and says he can't make it on friday, and the earliest he could get up was saturday morning, and by then, there'd be almost no point in going.

so i call ann, and we're just kind of like mehhhhh, no point pushing him, it wouldn't be fair for him to have to drive up on saturday and not get to fully enjoy the snow. it is a 6 hour drive after all. so after being ultra-pumped and super-psyched, we sort of just started to accept the fact that we weren't going, and that we should try and salvage what we can of the weekend. we started planning to watch a movie that night, and thinking how to get our relient k tickets as well... and then tim calls and says there's a train that leaves southern cross station at 6 and arrives at bright at 11.30, and steve could probably pick us up from there.

things appeared to be picking up again, so i called ann, and she's like dunnoooooo, after all did just suffer a huge disappointment. but eventually we figured heck la, lets just go, it'll be an awesome adventure. so she begins packing, i call tim, and then start looking up the train schedule. then tim calls back and confirms that steve is good to pick us up from bright. checking online, i found that it was actually a train ride to seymour plus a bus ride from seymour to bright. so i packed my laptop so we could watch a movie along the 4 and a half hour journey. then i call vline to book tickets for the two of us.

and they were OVERBOOKED. WHAT THE-?!

i believe the technical term for this is "shit". so... i call ann again, and break the news to her, and she's like "whaaaaaat? i'm all packed, i'm standing at the lift! i don't care i'm coming over anyway." haha bless her. i was just about ready to give up at that point if not for her. so i call tim again, and explain to him, and i even searched for flights up to albury, but to no avail. so i decided we'd just march right down to the station and beg them to put us on the train or ask if there are any other lines that go somewhere nearby mt hotham. on the way down, we bump into chris willis at crema, and we dropped in to say thanks and kind of explain the situation.

and then he gave me his car keys O.O

he was like, "you can drive can't you? just take my car up." i don't have a legal driving license for aus unfortunately :( so he started making some calls to see if anyone wanted to drive us up to the snow. at this point ann and i are just like ahh well, if we can't go, we might as well hop on a train anywhere and just stay overnight somewhere. we're all packed after all.

after a long while, chris comes over and says joseph might be keen. that guy is legendary man, he is made of spontaneous win! so jo and doreen pick us up at around 7.30 and we pick up chris' car, get some food from the asian grocery (of course), and head up to mt hotham! and we made it to ray's ski shop just in time before they closed at midnight to hire snow chains and gear. was a really close shave! and then another 2 hour drive to get up the mountain.

saturday morning ivy cooked breakfast, OMG it was awesome! fried carrot cake, chicken congee and yu tiao! so so good. and then we went snowboarding! so much fun! haha the lift stopped at 4, so we went and played with aidan. what a cute kid! stomping on snowmen with aunty ann and uncle chris. and dinner OMG steamboat OMG! i'm hungry again just thinking about it. and then mike took us for a night run. i think we got in at least 10 runs on the slopes that night. night snowboarding is just way too fun.

because getting out of bed the next morning was like rolling around in a pile of rocks. i'm still sore all over, both from bruises and muscle aches. what a workout! we practically snowboarded from 10 in the morning til almost 10 at night. so yeah, if this weekend wasn't EPIC, well, i probably just didn't describe it very well. ahhahahaha.

pics when i manage to steal some.

dive

greetings from ballieu again, i seem to waste spend too much time here.


anyway. here's an update.


i've just handed in 2 prac writeups, need to finish my assignment for youth arts, and i've got 2 midsems next week. there's more, but i don't have the mental capacity to deal with that right now.


woo. big week(s). i'm getting pretty annoyed with my assignment, i got no articulation skillz yo, my work sounds like a hippo stumbling through campus. geddit? hippo, campus? nevermind. i don't know why i try so hard to be all arts. its pretty clear writing bull essays is not my thing.


anyway. i'd better get back to it. sigh. i'm drowning.


bloop. blup. bloop.

the pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me, so why can't you forgive me?

currently in the ballieu working on my pharmacology prac writeup, its pretty nice around this time. not too hectic, not too crowded. pretty quiet. had a swim just now, i think i'm in trouble. my almost nonexistent fitness is slipping through my fingers again.

i have to say, i've been having a fantastic week. kicking off with anberlin, which was a success in the end, and house church in a car/airport was pretty interesting. wednesdays are always good. coffee early in the morning today, played guitar with zach, always something to look forward to, and then caught up with a really dear friend over coffee. was a really inspiring conversation. and then ann and i took brian on a musical tour of carlton/fitzroy/brunswick in search of a violin, and finally chilled at little creatures.

full of faith, hope, and love, i wish i could say my week has been. but its a real-time struggle to start off each new day in a posture that allows Christ's incarnational discipleship to seep into my veins. and yet, thank God for the events that constantly fill up my time, because they are opportunities for me to re-present the Creator, something i could not do cooped up at home.

and let me tell you something about home. don't take it for granted. for now, let me just say... i'm thankful for a pillow to sleep on at night, a soft bed to lie on, a thick blanket to keep me warm. things you might not find in the old engineering building at unimelb.

anyway. i shall get on with my work. but here's to exciting times up ahead.

in eager anticipation of the Spirit's work,
love,
chris.

BUMMER MAN

no anberlin? :(



ohvvell. maybe i'll get a new guitar.
123456789795464531231
howwwwwww.


apparently that is what guilt looks like.


guiltar. heh. heh.

i know i can't afford it... yet. unemployment is actually becoming a concern now. what the heck gave me the impression that gaining employment as a lifeguard was cruisy?

WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOOOO?

anberlin... physics? anberlin seems fun and i dont wanna go for physics.. but i've been put into emotional turmoil over the past 15minutes. HOWHWOWHOWHOWHOWHOW?!?!?! CHRIS LAW WHAT LA?!?!?!

-Ann Boo, 24/08/2009


blahblah

ok. gonna try. *pleasepleasedon'tdisappoint*


meh, in the percy baxter right now. just finished my parmacology assignment. OH GOTTA HAND IT IN.


ok. gonna go mano mi tarea en a la medicina building.


bye!

FRUSTRATION

*mightymightyroarofannoyance*

why can't we speak the same language? :(

why do you have to be so difficult?

why can't you just see things my way?

*ahem* "why don't you understand? why can't you read my mind?"

why can't we just get along, like we used to?

WHY WINDOWS WHY? YOU AND YOUR USELESS .EXE NONSENSE, WHY?!

Any Given Thursday

God answers all prayers.

Sometimes the answer is no.

Thank God.

-----

New song in the works, smells like progress, after what seemed like a dry spell of false riffs and un-flow-etic lyrics.

John Mayer is a clever chap. Great musicality.

----

It's been a good week. I know I've dropped off the blogosphere radar for about a month, yes, mum was here. Uni's been really hardcore, and I'm just really thankful for the space I took for granted. It takes living with 2 other people in this tiny apartment for a month for me to really appreciate the stillness and the peace upon this humble abode. No more voices, no more TV (I really hate that box), just no more noise. I feel I'm finally home again.

---

I really wanted to write... but then I suddenly stopped feeling chatty. :/

i kiss you on the brain

after i bandage it up good, cause i'm a certified senior level 2 first aider!

its been a crazy weekend, locked up in a classroom from 8AM to 6PM. i guess the whole ordeal's given me quite a huge chunk of stuff to think about, and its pretty effectively cleared my head of fluff and junk too.

i signed up for the course because it was a pre-requisite for the pool lifeguard course at the msac, and quite frankly, i only wanted to do the pool lifeguard course cause i thought it was frickin awesome being a lifeguard. but the first aid course was so full on and intense and i wasn't prepared at all. just about an hour into the course, i got really freaked out, because the responsibility of being a first aider began to dawn on me. well, now i know what i'm supposed to do when i see unconscious casualties, well... i'm supposed to do it right? but, what happens if the person has a spinal injury? this was the bit that really really had me terrified. a slight movement and the casualty becomes paraplegic. and you can tell from the instructor's tone, that this always brings up the question of legalities? what happens if i stuff up?

he was very reassuring, in that the approach that should be adopted as advised by all first aid councils is "any aid is better than no aid". the only way a first aider can be sued for negligence is firstly if the casualty is owed a duty of care, and no care is given, and secondly, the first aider misrepresents himself as having a higher qualification than he actually does, and thirdly, he does not act within what his qualification indicates he is capable of doing, otherwise known as standard of care.

a duty of care is owed by the first aider to anyone with whom he has some sort of relationship, eg: relative, student, friend, colleague etc. technically, i have the right, to walk right past a complete stranger having a heart attack in the gutter. however, the moment i come to his aid, a relationship is established, and i now owe him duty of care, which means i'm not allowed to abandon him, and he remains in my care until the situation is considered stable, ie. the ambulance arrives.

and of course, whatever happens to the casualty, especially anything undesirable, even if it weren't the result of my actions, i am afraid that i'll find myself in a position where i'll have to justify myself. of course, when filling in a first aid log, the first rule is that you never justify your actions. and yet i can't help but think what if i do find someone who already has a spinal injury, and its my job to keep him alive? how do i explain to a distressed spouse that i managed to keep the bloke alive until the ambulance takes him away, fixes him up, for her to have to care for a quadriplegic for the rest of his life?

no clarity yet. but if ephesians 2 and romans 3 is anything to go by, i shouldn't be worried about this should i?

i claim to be a life-loving human being, and yet could fear of the judgement and hostility of other human beings be enough to paralyse and prevent me from stepping to support the precious life left in another?

in any case, i scored pretty high on the first aid test, and i now have a paranoid urge to keep a triangular bandage and resuscitation mask on me at all times. maybe a ventolin as well. and if the nagging voices in my head don't stop i might just get a defibrillator as well (that would be that thing paramedics stick on the guys chest and go "clear!" and *poof*). all the same i'm really glad i did the course. because despite the complexities and intricacies of what keeps a person ticking, despite al my fears and insecurities, life is still precious to me.




long rant. anyway, classes have started, timetable looks much better than i'd anticipated. looks like its gonna be a fun semester. hope everyone's had a good rest, now its time to dive back into the pile of books and lecture notes.

chris out, and wishing you well. blessings!

chicken rice

whyyyyyyyyy poh!!!! woman why did you leave the sorbet to the last minute? and follow instructions dammit, if it says don't put in fridge, don't put it in the fridgeeeee! :( i'm sad for you.


anyway, coincidentally mum cooked chicken rice for dinner. haha. anyway, good for julie. and poh, i'd still eat at your dumpling stall. she's done really well though, she done malaysians proud.


ook. glee looks like a pretty cool show.

oh

i have a blog?



uh, sydney was awesome. mum's here. for... a while. class starts soon.



i know stress. stress knows i. we're cool.



*deep breath*



maybe i should blow off a little steam first then. so, results came out, rather unexpected, not great but not bad either. headspace is a little crowded of late, but not filled with meaningful worthwhile thoughts. they're there, scattered about. but its mostly just whinging. i whine to myself a bit too much lately, its so not me. i've grown soft.


time to man up chrissykins.

oh eww. i just called myselfneeeeevermind.

i have awesome friends. thanks for being awesome! i have no pictures of us in sydney because... i've still got 7 shots left, and then i can send in the whole lot for printing. sigh. the inflexibility of film.

also, i might not be able to write a proper post for some time. please be patient and put up with fueledbymaggi until i've unloaded all the rubbish cluttering the cookie jar i call my brain.


as you might have gathered, i've nary a point to make, but should thy pretty eyes thirst for more words of wisdom (not that you've found any here I'm sure), please be redirected by this link to Meld Magazine. it's cool.

OKAIIII. i really can't take it anymore, the longer i sit here, the more, as brian would say, junk i'll spew out. punk.

so byee. (bye, miss american pie, drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry...)

Easy

With gritted teeth and teary eyes, I'm still ploughing through as best I can.

My best might not be enough, and yet stubbornly I refuse to accept defeat.



But who's really doing the fighting eh?

Does my shameless arrogance know no bounds?



Humble me.

Easy win. Easy loss.



Humble me.

"It is finished."

Said Jesus.

I concur. At 1969 words, my essay titled Language Development in Sight-Impaired Children: Verbalisms is now complete. Ish. I should probably read through and clean it up, but I think at this point, I'm alright if I don't get a mark reflective of the amount of effort I put into trying to understand and wrestle through these issues. It just means I didn't write it out that well.

I'll have to learn how to articulate my thoughts properly at some point, but right now I've got a bio paper to study for. Excitement!

Really.

In the meantime, this song's been playing through my head. Read into the lyrics how you want, but I resonate with them right now.

Doubting Thomas - Nickel Creek

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath,
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who know me,
Will I discover a soul saving love,
Or just the dirt above and below me,

I'm a doubting thomas,
I took a promise,
But I do not feel safe,
Oh me of little faith,

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face,
Then I beg to be spared 'cause I'm a coward,
If there's a master of death I'll bet he's holding his breath,
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power,
I'm a doubting thomas,
I can't keep my promises,
'Cause i don't know what's safe,
oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth,
When I'm scared I'll find proof that its a lie,
Can I be lead down a trail dropping bread crumbs,
That prove I'm not ready to die,

Please give me time to decipher the signs,
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted,

I'm a doubting thomas,
I'll take your promise,
Though I know nothin's safe,
Oh me of little faith

SOAP Psalm 45:1

Psalm 45:1

Scripture:
My heart is stirred by a noble theme
as I recite my verses for the king;
my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.

Observation:
God has a knack for stirring up things inside of us. He fills us with dreams and visions. If we should choose to receive His Spirit, there is no way we can not be moved by His mercy and His justice, His grace and His compassion. And then the things we do begin to reflect more and more of His nature, and our love for Him begins to take shape like the infinite depth of His for us. And we sing and dance praises to Him, lest our hearts grow restlessly agitated from the uncontainable joy.

Application:
I think its no accident that I'm writing my final essay in First Language Acquisition about the acquisition of language in blind children. I think its no accident that I'm doing the subjects that I'm doing at all. The two things that have really stirred in my heart up til today have been vision and generational responsibility. I'm believing in a future. And it takes vision to steer in the "right" direction. It takes vision to build over the foundations that Christ has laid, such that our future generations are one step closer to the promises we all hold on to. Without vision, we may well be settin our hands to building the wrong house for our children to grow up in (see Haggai 1).

Prayer:
Creator God, who has made all things good, and who has already laid down the foundations upon which our work is to be set on, all praise my little heart can sing be to You. May the purposes and meaning that You intended for this Earth be advanced here, just as You imagined, just as You desired, just as You promised. For the children whom Your Kingdom embraces, give us the wisdom, the necessary resources to equip them, to raise them up as sons and daughters of the most high King. Forgive us Lord, for our distractions with our own selfish agendas. Restore to us again the correct blueprints for the right House, and burn the contracts that seek to distract and bind us. And all we strive towards Father, all that we hold hope for, all that we have been called to work and steward, they are Yours and for Your Kingdom.

Amen.

PRAY

Pouring: my adoration of the Creator
Father above my world, above my understanding, above my all, you are holy. You were at the beginning, and you are the same all the way through, complete and whole. No entity has seen the beginning of Your work, no one advised You. God with no equal in wisdom and in love, holy is Your name.

Reaching: my adherence to Jesus' way
Extend Your Kingdom, and let me proclaim its arrival! Fulfil Your purpose for the earth, just as You have imagined. Let me hold on to Your ways and bridge the gap between the present reality of my world, and the fullness of Your Glory revealed in Christ. The tension of what is, and the tension of what could be, what will be, already demonstrated by the Saviour King who laid down His life.

Asking: my co-operation with the Spirit's leading
So give me the necessary tools to participate in Your work; enough for today, with no worry of the past, and confidence for tomorrow's portion. Set on me Your Holy Guide as I set my hands to the task that You've called me to. Fill me with dreams and visions of the immensity of Your grand project, and the role I am to play. But where I have stuffed up, where I fall short of expectations, forgive me please. As I am forgiven for the massive chasm between who I am and who Christ is, instil in me that kind of depth of forgiveness for those who offend me and fall short of my selfish expectations.

Yielding: the consecration of my world
With all I have been given, my skills, possessions, I did nothing to merit them, and yet I have been given this much to steward over; they are Yours. With every piece of land that I set foot on, as a representative of Your Kingdom, let meaning and life be injected in once again, for they are Yours.

For Yours is the Kingdom, the power, the glory forever. Amen.

I worry, I weigh 3 times my body

I was studying Romans 8 in Crema this morning, and I just thought I'd share some of my reflections here.

Psalm 44 - By the Sons of Korah.

1 We have heard with our ears, O God;
our fathers have told us
what you did in their days,
in days long ago.

2 With your hand you drove out the nations
and planted our fathers;
you crushed the peoples
and made our fathers flourish.

3 It was not by their sword that they won the land,
nor did their arm bring them victory;
it was your right hand, your arm,
and the light of your face, for you loved them.

4 You are my King and my God,
who decrees victories for Jacob.

5 Through you we push back our enemies;
through your name we trample our foes.

6 I do not trust in my bow,
my sword does not bring me victory;

7 but you give us victory over our enemies,
you put our adversaries to shame.

8 In God we make our boast all day long,
and we will praise your name forever.
Selah

__________________

Sound familiar? It pretty much sums up what we've been working on in Expedition, going through the Abraham to Joseph to Joshua and Caleb story.

But the psalm doesn't end here.
__________________


9 But now you have rejected and humbled us;
you no longer go out with our armies.

10 You made us retreat before the enemy,
and our adversaries have plundered us.

11 You gave us up to be devoured like sheep
and have scattered us among the nations.

12 You sold your people for a pittance,
gaining nothing from their sale.

13 You have made us a reproach to our neighbors,
the scorn and derision of those around us.

14 You have made us a byword among the nations;
the peoples shake their heads at us.

15 My disgrace is before me all day long,
and my face is covered with shame

16 at the taunts of those who reproach and revile me,
because of the enemy, who is bent on revenge.

17 All this happened to us,
though we had not forgotten you
or been false to your covenant.

18 Our hearts had not turned back;
our feet had not strayed from your path.

19 But you crushed us and made us a haunt for jackals
and covered us over with deep darkness.

20 If we had forgotten the name of our God
or spread out our hands to a foreign god,

21 would not God have discovered it,
since he knows the secrets of the heart?

22 Yet for your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.

23 Awake, O Lord! Why do you sleep?
Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever.

24 Why do you hide your face
and forget our misery and oppression?

25 We are brought down to the dust;
our bodies cling to the ground.

26 Rise up and help us;
redeem us because of your unfailing love.

__________________

Key things to look out for here are verses 22 and 26. Paul writes about this in Romans 8.
__________________

Romans 8:

17 And since we are his children, we are his heirs.
In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory.

But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.


35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love?

Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?

36 As the Scriptures say,

“For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”

37 No,despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.

• Neither death nor life,
  
• neither angels nor demons,
  
• neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—
  

not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

__________________

Christ was the one faithful human being, who was able to finish the work he had been given. His faithfulness demonstrated the faithfulness of God. Looking back at verse 35, was there anything Paul mentioned that did Christ not face?

I've run out of time, so I'll leave it here. But let me know your thoughts! There's a lot more to Romans 8, ad I'd love to chat about it over a cup of coffee :)

Love,
Chris.

Epic FAIL

As Greg and I are just about to walk out of Arrow to look for a place to study, we spot Aun with Leanne in his office and stop by for a chat, and he pretty much offered to lock us up in the back office and force us to get work done. After a bit of taunting, we yielded and set out to prove our awesome studying prowess.

The first hour or so went alright; Aun dropped in every time he heard something and yelled "Stop speaking!"

Eventually he starts playing Warhammer Online with his headphones on. Hilarity ensues.



Greg gets the bright idea to scare Aun. Sure it'd be funny, but Aun might beatdestroy us by accident if we tried to sneak up on him.

So he blew up a balloon as quietly as possible (just imagine trying really hard not to laugh at this point), and it ended up being too big. He put a cap on it, but on the bottom end cause it wouldn't fit on top, and left it on a chair behind Aun, without him noticing. Seeing as I hadn't done anything sufficiently courageous, Greg made me draw a smiley face on the balloon behind Aun without alerting him.

Then Greg sets his iPhone on the flashlight app and turns on the strobelight effects and places it under the balloon.

Eventually we just started talking really loud to get Aun's attention.

All we heard was a sigh. And Aun comes in with Greg's iPhone like... "What's wrong with you boys? And wouldn't popping the balloon have been more effective?"

So obvious... and yet...

Oh man it was so funny we couldn't stop laughing.




*stealth win* snapping a picture of Aun behind his back, Chris and Greg: 1, Aun: 0. Well, actually more like Aun: 4.


So we figured the balloon could represent Aun, and Greg found some ribbon, so we decided to tie him up somewhere. I got on the chair to tie him up to the vent on the ceiling... and couldn't reach. Dude! I swear its funny! Greg tried to sit back down to stop laughing and... well... I had the chair, so he fell down. ROFLing.


Anyway, Greg also found a balloon pump, which was pretty hilarious considering all that effort inflating "Aun". So we figured we'd make "Aun" a "Leanne", again silently so as not to attract Aun's attention.


But she exploded.


We eventually made another "Leanne", and tied her up with "Aun".


So as you can see, our study time was not unproductive.


But of course, its week 12 folks. Buck up and hit the books. But not too hard, they're pretty expensive.

Later!

Depth of field

Some big things were spoken at a meeting with the boys tonight, and there are some thoughts I'd like to capture, and maybe delve a bit further into. I mean, I'd like to capture all of them, but it's a bit too much to share, and I probably can't relay those thoughts intelligibly right now.

But what if 'the world' does not exist? Most of us experience this physical state of existence through 5 senses, and that is our perception of the world; or, in other words, that is our world. But the colour red itself does not do anything, neither does the scent of a rose, the taste of honey, except what you make of it. It's the meaning you give it. It's your perspective.

And so with perspective, you deem your pillow comfortable, you call the sound of waves crashing against the cliff serene.

What if you bought a new TV one day, brought it home, only to receive a message that a good friend of yours had just died in an accident. Suddenly, the TV that you'd been so excited about becomes invisible, and the intangible thoughts, memories, love become so much more real. According to your perspective, certain things have more meaning than others.

Depth of field is a crucial part of optics, especially so in photography. Quite simply, when you look through a lens, only a section of the image a certain distance away (called the focal length) from the lens will be clear, while everything in front of or behind will be blurred. Here's an example of some tangerines:



Anything at the distance where the tangerines are from the camera is sharp, while everything else is blur. The section of the image that is in focus is called the depth of field. A wider depth of field is simply a wider section of focus, e.g.: I can see the whole table instead of just the tangerines.

And so with an SLR, when you adjust the 'focus', or your camera auto-focuses, you are adjusting the focal length. The depth of field itself, however, is adjusted by the aperture. A smaller aperture corresponds to a larger f number, and a larger f number corresponds to a wider depth of field. But the 'focus' will also have an impact on the DOF. When the lens is set to the hyperfocal distance (max focal length setting for the given f number setting), the DOF will range from half the hyperfocal distance to infinity. Meaning, you'll see lots of stuff clearly.

And so if a tried to draw an analogy of perspective as being your current depth of field, what would you see?

What did Christ see?

What does God want us to see?
Check out Hebrews 12:

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

In my life, I guess certain things have been set in motion, and the trajectory of this path I'm currently on will take me through optometry as a vocation. The choice to enter the field of optometry is largely driven by my passion for finding vision. But I guess this is something I'll have to share about another time, when I've found more clarity. Or my depth of field is adjusted.

Love,
Chris.



P/S. I thought I'd leave you with the message translation of Hebrews 12:1-3.

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

Intense huh?

Chlorine Therapy

Gosh, its been a hard week, but rejoice folks, the weekend is here. So we can study more.

Haha. Anatomy test today. Woooo. It's done and that's the end of it. Well, not really, there's the exams.

Today was a pretty awesome day. Winston gave me a free guest pass to melbourne city baths, and I got a free swim, spa, and sauna entry! K, when I have to pay for my swims, I feel like I have to make it worth whatever I paid. So I'll push myself really hard and just go all out, but today I had early dinner plans, so halfway through my swim I decided I had to cut short my training.

Because I wanted to use the FREE JACUZZI TICKET!

Hehe, it was so hard to get out of the jacuzzi, seriously, I really had to struggle. But, I am so chilled out right now, it's just woaaaah. Sigh. It. Was. Awesome.



I think I'm going for a run tomorrow morning, anybody keen?

Between Here and There

I just want to say that things cannot possibly get any tougher than this. At least on some level, there's a bit of comfort in that.

But I'm scared I'll be proven wrong, almost know I'll be proven wrong.

To say things could be worse is, as well, somewhat comforting; until it appears that things will get worse.



A rock. A hard place.



I'm just not strong enough to pull through.



Good.

Brothers

I was really touched by Julian's last post about being Kel's brother, and as an older sibling, I know my little brother has been going through some, if not all of what Juls mentioned. Please check out his blog under my links.

Be warned, there will be a fair amount of bragging in this post, but I'm not going to lie about how proud I am of my brother.

Ok? My brother can't really be bothered to read yet, so I'm not worried about inflating his ego right now. So let's go.

Nicholas Law is a special kid. Perpetually happy, hyper, potentially insane, and good looking. I honestly feel he's got all the good genes. He got the tall genes, the handsome genes. Me? Jealous? NAH. I'M NOT JEALOUS. *sulk*

But all the same, and I'm not sure how he feels about it, but simply because I popped out 8 years before him, there's a pretty big shadow cast over him. It's as if he's got 8 years of my achievements to outshine. When he goes to school, everyone first recognises him as "Chris' brother". All the teachers ask him "how's Chris doing?", or "when's Chris coming back?", or at least that's what my mom tells me. And when people find out that he swims, they ask "oh, just like your brother?". Our family friends, even my parents tell him, or us, "oh, your brother was much quieter and well behaved than you at your age..." and I always get a bit irritated, just leave the little dude alone right? They'll tell us, "oh, Chris was very smart in school, but you keep getting x% for maths?"

So my brother's a bit dyslexic. This one time, he wrote a short story in school about Dragonforce and being epic. It was EPIC! Dragonforce as in that epic power metal band (Yes, I share my music with him)! It's like something I could only dream about. Ok, so everyone struggled through the spelling and grammar... it was funny, but I think no one really saw the genius of it.

One person I really admire though, is my good friend Albert, who's teaching my little bro the drums. He gives my bro the right mix of discipline and praise. The kid is 10, ok, how many 10 year olds can get a grip on Latin beats? In the short span of time my bro has learnt drums, I reckon he's advanced much more in technique than I have in guitar playing. Only his rhythm wavers now and then, but those skinny chicken arms are pretty powerful. I'm not trying to brag, really, but my bro is probably the best 10 year old drummer I've seen. Outside of youtube. If you're interested though, search Igor Falecki.

And swimming. Oh man, the kid used to be such a wuss. But when he came over during easter I was pretty shocked. Just to test him, I went, "ok, 20 laps warm up, go." and he was like ok, and left and finished 20 laps no problem. We later went on to train in sprints and other stuff, doing at least 1km a day. And you know what, coaching my brother that week inspired me so much. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be swimming as regularly as I do now.

I was training him that week for a competition in Bangkok last weekend. And when I called mum on mother's day, she told me about the competition. Listen to this:

His teacher accidentally sends him up for 50m butterfly against an older age group because he heard the PA wrong. Against these big boys, in that crazy ass event, he came second. And just as he came out of the pool, his name was called for his next event, the 100m freestyle. At this point everyone was just going crap! Shouldn't have sent him for the butterfly! But the little champ went for it anyway, and at the start of the race he was just kind of lagging behind last, and everyone thought aww what a waste. But towards the end of the first lap, he catches up with the person in front of him, and now he's second last. By the end of the second lap, he catches up again with the next guy, and now he's third from the back. And then as he kicks off the wall for the final lap, he begins to overtake heaps of people, until he's finally neck and neck with the race leader, and in the last few metres he overtakes the guy and wins the race!

Is that freaking amazing or what?

His overall spoils from the comp are 2 golds, 5 silvers, and a bronze in swimming, 2 silvers in athletics, and gold in soccer.

I think my bro is well his way to making his own mark.


Of course, he forgot about mother's day, and I am therefore still mummy's favourite.

Just kidding.


I'm Chris, and I'm Nicholas Law's brother.

Awe

Matthew 18:18-20 (The Message)

18-20"Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven; a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action.

And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there."

Brian, Greg, Winston and I met up for lunch today. It was a good time of eating, sharing, and dodging bird droppings. Brian brought a bottle of juice, rice crackers, and some cups, and we had communion right outside union house (comm-union house?). It was incredibly thoughtful of him, and I do miss having communion as well. Later on, we took some time and prayed, and after we were done, a lady who had been sitting next to us the whole time came up to us and essentially said,

"Are you guys christians? Make sure you keep in contact with each other, even after you finish uni, because the friends that you pray with during your time in uni will be the strongest group you'll ever find. Even if you meet other christian friends after you graduate, life will still be much harder without each other."

It's funny how easy it is to forget that, in the midst of a crazy machine driven world, there are still agents of a different Kingdom placed around you.


Thank you for the encouragement.



Blessings,
Chris.

A Man's Gotta Do

What a man's gotta do.

But what does a man have to do?


Is it to

love the Lord your God:

• with all your heart
• with all your soul
• with all your intellect

and to love your neighbour as yourself?



Wednesday night's worship session was great. I think for me, nothing beats sharing a meal with good friends.

And as for "praise and worship", well, these days it's hard to escape from the whole corporate deal of getting as massive a herd of people as you can to get into it; it's been popularised, reduced to some CCM chart.

I'm not trying to say there's no authenticity. But I probably don't believe it's really authentic either. But Wednesday night really gave me something to think about.

It begins with an invitation, into the presence, the peace, the power of a Creator who is actively working in the people you're surrounded by. In a posture of adoration of the Creator, with trust in the friends surrounding you, well, a song is just a song. But in that moment, I rediscovered joy, and joy is not a word I use very often.

So thanks to all my friends who intentionally took a night out of a busy week to gather together and worship. And for everyone who couldn't make it, so sorry about the timing, but we'll definitely do one again soon.





Love,
Chris.

Seize the Day!

Ann, I dissected a rat with gloves.

It was pretty funny actually. We had to figure out if we were dissecting a male or a female and let everyone know; that way, those who got males can look at female specimens later on. So... mine didn't have the typical male genitalia. In fact, it looked a lot like the female one (we had diagrams in the notes). On this basis, I concluded it was a female. Fair? (OH, I'VE GOT ANOTHER STORY TO TELL ABOUT DECIDING THE GENDER OF A SUBJECT, but it's rather embarrassing and involves arts students, so ask me about it some other time.)

So to cut a long tale short (get the pun? HEHE), I cut it open, made a diagram of its insides, and... discovered fat pads. Now, the demonstrator mentioned that his specimen was a male and had fat pads, and suggested removing the fat pads. So, I pull out the fat pads, and lo and behold; the thing has balls.

Hmm. So it was a male reproductive organ after all. Oh.

Also... I can't think of a worse time to have been hungry. :(

Anyway, I went shopping today. And by shopping I mean I exchanged money for material goods. And by material goods i mean some shiny new batteries for my Nikon and a few prints of film taken with my lomo. Here are the firstfruits of my coloured flash!

Blue and Pink flash, featuring a Winston. I think its a male.

Ditto.

Yellow flash. Yep, my room was intentionally messy. It's a lot neater now. Really.

After "shopping", I took a walk this afternoon, around Carlton, exploring backlanes and whatnot. I figured since it was such a grey day, it'd be good to take some photos with my Nikon, since I had a whole stack of ISO 3200 film.

(high ISO = high film sensitivity = good in low light)

On my walk, I found something rather interesting, though I think its been there a while. Just thought I'd share with you guys.





Somehow, (I couldn't possibly fathom how, its a mystery) I wound up in Music Swop Shop on Elgin street. There are some really cool secondhand guitars there. I tried out an unassuming no-name (possibly homemade) acoustic, and it blew my mind when I first strummed it. But then I couldn't get it to make that sound again so I decided to put it back. I probably just wanted it to sound good and started imagining it. Then I tried a banjo.

I now want a banjo.

See you round folks!

At the Beginning

of a remarkable project known as Earth, it was a bit of a mess. A bit of matter here, some particles there.

And a word.

Collisions, a spark; the word took on form, took on flesh. It brought form and function to stray photons; it brought light. It brought purpose into a heap of rubble, so that it was no longer debris, but a space filled with life. Life that took form in the tallest of trees, drinking from the earth and rinsing the heavens; the smallest of prokaryotes, thousands of miles beneath the ocean, shifting through molten lava and frozen rock.

And there was life that reflected the word. Life that bore the image of the word that gave it purpose.

The word saw everything it had done.

The word was God.

"Good."

All of it.

"Very good."

Love,
Chris.

Calm down

Deep breaths.

I was late for my prac this morn-

Ok, I think I'll start where it all started.

I went over to Greg's place last night... to play dota. You know... that thing used to be worth driving down to damai and skipping classes for? That thing that I haven't touched since... that time during A levels? Yeh. Bunch of scary looking characters, running around beating up trees and ghouls and each other...

Well, we played til 3.30 AM because we kept losing. I woke up at 8 today, ready for my 10 AM prac. Almost. Except that I woke up again at 10.15... like omgomgomgomgomg, I reached the redmond barry building at 10.30. And I was told to come back and try my luck again at 2. If some unlucky soul misses his/her prac, I get pretty much get 10 free marks, just for making the prac. I got my 10 free marks. Well, maybe 10, depending on how the test went.

Anyway. The point is, there's a lesson to be learnt here. Don't play dota.

Ok. So I'm at Winston's place now, no, not playing dota (yet). He cooked dinner.

It.
Was.
Awesome.

You know that sea cucumber soup that you get in expensive chinese restaurants? Yeh. And lamb chops man. Good stuff.

(Yes... I wrote that because I know you'll read it Winston... cheeky manipulative ass I am)

Yeh, so, Aun's getting married tomorrow. Woohoo! Congrats to Aun and Leanne. Also there's an Anzac memorial service tomorrow at 6 AM I think. And I think I will be there (yeh, and I couldn't make it for a 10 o'clock class...)

Hmm. I think that's all for tonight folks. This is Chris signing off...


to play a round of dota before bed. XD

Later guys!

Much love,
Chris.

Nice and easy

Ok, I'm gonna make a start.

There's a huge gap from where I last left off, and I have no intention of filling that in. In detail.

So uhm, holiday, fun, sun, back to uni, omg, omg, uni, and then easter break, easter camp (rocked) and then uni started again, and then Jason Mraz.

I'll start there. Jason Mraz was amazing. He's come a long way, and you can see the experience in his staging. And yes that opera bit was totally wtf, I was just blown away. Good stuff.

Moving on. Had heaps of tests. Now I don't. WOOO.

None for the rest of the week that is.


I drew on Coraline, my acoustic guitar. Check it out:





Tried to get a rough idea of what to draw. I intended to do a couple of sketches and pick the best one, but it was massively time-consuming, so I just stuck with the first thing I drew.



Coraline before.



Coraline after.

- edit: I was inspired to draw on my guitar because... Jon Loo drew on his classical. Haha.

What do you reckon? It's drawn on cellophane tape by the way. As in I stuck tape on first, then drew over the tape. That way, when I get bored of it, or I find the inspiration, and the bloody time, to draw a new one, I can just take it off.

Yeh, see what happens when Chris is done with his tests?


I'm not usually this smug mind you, its just been poo-loads, and i really mean loads, of tests and studying, and my brain looks for painstakingly painstaking ways to unwind.


Ok. That's all for now. Later guys.

A New Day

Today is a new day.

Yesterday is gone.

Tomorrow is yet to come.

But today begins the rest of my life.



Fueledbymaggi is live folks. Here's to a good year, strong relationships, and pure awesomeness.


Love,
Chris.

Time to move on

Ok, watch this space (or don't, I'd rather you didn't) cause it's about to undergo some renovations. Can't do much right now cause my macbook is flat, and I managed to destroy the charger. So how am I posting this then? Hehe. Heh. It's a secret.

Changes have to be made. Lifestyle and everything. Once i've got that covered, then I'll work on getting this ship running again. Til then, this is chris, signing off for a few weeks, after being absent for a few months.

Sayonara.