stormy weather
i feel caught between a rock and a hard place, it's been tough. circumstances can be incredibly unkind and unyielding, and i wonder sometimes, what a fresh start could look like. for a while now, i've echoed the words with some hope, some spark of 'please-let-this-be-it':
"today is a new day. yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is yet to come. but today begins the first day of the rest of my life."
i long for fresh starts every time life gets difficult, but the problems don't seem to go away. the very thing that tripped me up yesterday is still weighing down my heart like a ton of bricks. all the triggers, the stimuli are still physically there, and i wonder sometimes if a fresh start means putting distance between myself and those triggers. perhaps an ocean in between might suffice? i suppose the technical term for this is "running away from your problems".
i came across an interesting passage of scripture last night, and it stirred in me. it's from paul's letter to the philippians:
"... that He who began a good work in You will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." (1:6)
the author of genesis presents in the first account God's work of creating the heavens and the earth as a day by day process, and on the day it was complete, he rested, enjoying the fruits of his work, the home he had carved out.
perhaps each new day is another day to co-operate in his work, his good work. amidst this wild baggage-storm, his steady hands work tirelessly across, through, over, within the being i call me. yesterday's problems inevitably lead to apoptosis (programmed cellular suicide), which is good, because it paves the way for new healthy growth today. yes, i'm a work a progress, but there will come a tomorrow, when God can finally rest in me and i in Him, a completed dwelling place. until then, today is a new day, another opportunity to work together with the force that brought form, function, and light from the formless chaotic dark.
yes, i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place; bruised as i am, i've begun to understand the source of my stability and unshakeable resolve. that rock happens to be on my side. God is my rock. amen.
