Boulders

The past two weeks have been the most trying I've ever had. I can physically feel my shoulders ache, its the biggest fight I've ever fought. The less than ideal sleep patterns, the neverending stream of assignments, projects, and its all culminates today when it'll all end. Supposedly. Top it off with a diagnosis of asthma and a prescription of inhalant steroids. All the coughing's really taken a toll on my ribs, I'm aching all over.

But all of this put some things back into perspective for me, reminded me of what I'd resolved a long time ago. At the very core of it, I've already got nothing left to lose. To the point where I'm broke, homeless and starving, the only thing worse would probably be to die. Which is ultimately my goal anyway. To let go of my life, lay it down, and take it back up again. Morbid, yep, but it does shape the way I spend my time breathing.

Anyway, the day isn't over yet. There's more to do, more to lose, but ultimately more to gain.

When an essay gets all Darth Vader on you...

go Japanese police on his ass!

The path of least resistance

is still about as easy as pushing a cliff backwards right now. Gosh this is really hard, pray for me guys, this physio assignment is taking a massive toll on me.

Discontent?

Yeh, I am. Very much so.

I couldn't even begin to tell you why. I wish I knew. Maybe I'm just feeling a bit emo right now. Maybe I'm frustrated with my assignments. Maybe I fall short of my own expectations of me.

I don't know.

...where the spirit of the I AM is, there is freedom.

-2 Corinthians 3:17

I'm still caught up in what I should be, or what I was/did. I'm living and searching in the places that God is not. YHWH, the I AM, is only found in the present tense. He is not found in the past, nor does He exist in the future.

At the end of the day, I'm still afraid. Afraid of what, I'm not quite sure. But what I know, is I haven't enough courage. Courage to what?

I wish I knew.

Strengths

I went for a run today, first one in ages. Except when I'm late for class or bored and forgot my music, but that's not very far. Today I ran to guitar paradise near Ikea in richmond. It's really interesting, I stopped by couple of places along the way, checked out the Australian Catholic University, the Salvos store (suit jackets for 10 bucks?!), the men's suit warehouse (compared to the $250 suits here?), and tried out a Cole Clark and an Epiphone Casino with a bigsby bridge. The Cole Clark was nice, but I'm very sure my new Martin is way awesomer. WAY. The epiphone was crap. Doesn't sound bad or anything, but the action's way higher than I'm used to with my electric, and the sustain sucks.

Action = height of strings above the fretboard (so the higher it is, the harder it is to play)
Bridge = the bit that holds the strings down on the right hand side of the guitar
Sustain = how long the note holds for after being plucked/strummed

What I understand, and this isn't always necessarily true, is that the higher the action, the better the sustain. So the trick is usually to find the right amount of action such that it's comfortable to play, but you still get enough sustain.

The Casino lacked both, and when I tried the bigsby whammy bar, there was this really loud snap. Scared the hell out of me, it's a freaking expensive guitar. I just pretended I meant to do that and carried on playing so the shop assistant wouldn't notice. And then I retuned it til it sounded decent again and put it back and ran back home.

That was my little adventure for the day, now, I took the strengths finder test just now too... my top 5 strengths are:

Developer
Connectedness
Adaptability
Empathy
Relator

It's odd. I never figured myself as much of a people person, I'm not one to strike up awesome conversations with strangers, and yet, these results do make sense. I guess I just need to re-think what I mean by "people-person". Its interesting cause it explains a lot of things about myself I never really quite understood. But I won't go into detail here.

I'm a strength hero. I'm a lycan. Vladimir's, Power Treads, Vanguard, Buriza, Assault Cuirass, Bloodstone +22 buffs. Pwnage. Not.

ENOUGH DOTA! STUDY! *HOWL*

I W I S H I W A S 10 F E E T S T R O N G E R .

ooh la lah...

how did i play so hard despite drowning in assignments.

shucks.




on one hand, i think i ought to pace things out properly. but momentum's not the easiest foe to stand up against. coupled with the fact that i actually enjoy every second of the experience.




holiday's over, time to buckle down and suck it up.

no complaining, no hesitating.



it's time to kick ass.