With gritted teeth and teary eyes, I'm still ploughing through as best I can.
My best might not be enough, and yet stubbornly I refuse to accept defeat.
But who's really doing the fighting eh?
Does my shameless arrogance know no bounds?
Humble me.
Easy win. Easy loss.
Humble me.
Said Jesus.
I concur. At 1969 words, my essay titled Language Development in Sight-Impaired Children: Verbalisms is now complete. Ish. I should probably read through and clean it up, but I think at this point, I'm alright if I don't get a mark reflective of the amount of effort I put into trying to understand and wrestle through these issues. It just means I didn't write it out that well.
I'll have to learn how to articulate my thoughts properly at some point, but right now I've got a bio paper to study for. Excitement!
Really.
In the meantime, this song's been playing through my head. Read into the lyrics how you want, but I resonate with them right now.
Doubting Thomas - Nickel Creek
What will be left when I've drawn my last breath,
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who know me,
Will I discover a soul saving love,
Or just the dirt above and below me,
I'm a doubting thomas,
I took a promise,
But I do not feel safe,
Oh me of little faith,
Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face,
Then I beg to be spared 'cause I'm a coward,
If there's a master of death I'll bet he's holding his breath,
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power,
I'm a doubting thomas,
I can't keep my promises,
'Cause i don't know what's safe,
oh me of little faith
Can I be used to help others find truth,
When I'm scared I'll find proof that its a lie,
Can I be lead down a trail dropping bread crumbs,
That prove I'm not ready to die,
Please give me time to decipher the signs,
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted,
I'm a doubting thomas,
I'll take your promise,
Though I know nothin's safe,
Oh me of little faith
Psalm 45:1
Scripture:
My heart is stirred by a noble theme
as I recite my verses for the king;
my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
Observation:
God has a knack for stirring up things inside of us. He fills us with dreams and visions. If we should choose to receive His Spirit, there is no way we can not be moved by His mercy and His justice, His grace and His compassion. And then the things we do begin to reflect more and more of His nature, and our love for Him begins to take shape like the infinite depth of His for us. And we sing and dance praises to Him, lest our hearts grow restlessly agitated from the uncontainable joy.
Application:
I think its no accident that I'm writing my final essay in First Language Acquisition about the acquisition of language in blind children. I think its no accident that I'm doing the subjects that I'm doing at all. The two things that have really stirred in my heart up til today have been vision and generational responsibility. I'm believing in a future. And it takes vision to steer in the "right" direction. It takes vision to build over the foundations that Christ has laid, such that our future generations are one step closer to the promises we all hold on to. Without vision, we may well be settin our hands to building the wrong house for our children to grow up in (see Haggai 1).
Prayer:
Creator God, who has made all things good, and who has already laid down the foundations upon which our work is to be set on, all praise my little heart can sing be to You. May the purposes and meaning that You intended for this Earth be advanced here, just as You imagined, just as You desired, just as You promised. For the children whom Your Kingdom embraces, give us the wisdom, the necessary resources to equip them, to raise them up as sons and daughters of the most high King. Forgive us Lord, for our distractions with our own selfish agendas. Restore to us again the correct blueprints for the right House, and burn the contracts that seek to distract and bind us. And all we strive towards Father, all that we hold hope for, all that we have been called to work and steward, they are Yours and for Your Kingdom.
Amen.
Pouring: my adoration of the Creator
Father above my world, above my understanding, above my all, you are holy. You were at the beginning, and you are the same all the way through, complete and whole. No entity has seen the beginning of Your work, no one advised You. God with no equal in wisdom and in love, holy is Your name.
Reaching: my adherence to Jesus' way
Extend Your Kingdom, and let me proclaim its arrival! Fulfil Your purpose for the earth, just as You have imagined. Let me hold on to Your ways and bridge the gap between the present reality of my world, and the fullness of Your Glory revealed in Christ. The tension of what is, and the tension of what could be, what will be, already demonstrated by the Saviour King who laid down His life.
Asking: my co-operation with the Spirit's leading
So give me the necessary tools to participate in Your work; enough for today, with no worry of the past, and confidence for tomorrow's portion. Set on me Your Holy Guide as I set my hands to the task that You've called me to. Fill me with dreams and visions of the immensity of Your grand project, and the role I am to play. But where I have stuffed up, where I fall short of expectations, forgive me please. As I am forgiven for the massive chasm between who I am and who Christ is, instil in me that kind of depth of forgiveness for those who offend me and fall short of my selfish expectations.
Yielding: the consecration of my world
With all I have been given, my skills, possessions, I did nothing to merit them, and yet I have been given this much to steward over; they are Yours. With every piece of land that I set foot on, as a representative of Your Kingdom, let meaning and life be injected in once again, for they are Yours.
For Yours is the Kingdom, the power, the glory forever. Amen.
