Am I Just a Guitarist?

I guess I have an identity crisis. Am I a son? A brother? A friend? A student? A teacher? A guitarist? A photographer? An optimist? A realist? A sceptic? A critic? A loser? A lover?

It all feels very fragmented, sometimes contrary and well, I don't feel whole. It seems none of it is really integrated, I have no integrity. I'm a broken fractured human being. But at least I am still human. If anything, no, if everything were stripped away, at least I still have the right to be called human, because the same Spirit that defined humanity by being breathed into it is still here.

And maybe that's where clarity will begin for me this time.

Teach me how to be a human being. To be fully human. To be whole.

And so summer approaches, with a hint of freshness and insight.



Clarity. I can't wait.

exams are over

so why do i feel so meh.

Pharmacology Exam Tomorrow

Was just revising a bit of brain anatomy and physiology for pharmalogical activity in the CNS. I think this video is boomz.



I'm not wasting (too much) time, I swear!

Movember

I think number 8 might be my favourite.

That and the free Grilld bugers. AWESOME.

Clarity

Focus. It shifts in and out, slipping between foreground and background. Where something was once clear, only a blurred artefact remains, while all the distractions surround it become screamingly clear. But I think today, I heard a click, an opportune moment to open the shutters, if only to capture just a few milliseconds of exposure. I know at times clarity will escape me once again, so if anything, let this be a point of reference for those times.

Suzanne prayed for me after today's programme, and I caught a glimpse of a big picture. A bigger picture than what I'd been contending with of late, it helped me make sense of the minute things that tugged and pulled at me. In a nutshell, she said I had a warrior spirit. It sounds a little spooky dooky out there-ish, but I think I understand. I understand now why I keep getting frustrated with the things around me, the things in me. I understand why I'm constantly skirmishing with every thought I think, every action my hands find to do. I understand why I constantly need to question and wrestle.

Thank God for Suzanne, and for His word of encouragement, because I'd come very close to raising the white flag. No, I'm not tired anymore. Paul's thing, in most all his writings, was the mystery of God's will revealed to Him in Christ, that is the intention of installing humanity into the status of sonship. Everyone experiences different pathways for the fulfilment as their adoptions and sons and daughters of God. I guess this is my journey.

This is my set of problems.

This is my blessing.

It takes my sleep

It's bugging me, gnawing away in some dark corner of my very being, something's not right, I know it, but what? I can't live like this, I can't accept that this is it, there's more, there's got to be more. I was made for bigger things, how did my vision get so small? When did my scope get fogged up? I'm not a little upset, I'm downright pissed, angry at the world, at the systems that hold me down and bind me to the beast. I'm furious. Something's got to give. Something has to change. How could I drop my guard? I've been caught again, I've been bought and sold for months without realising it. I won't stand for it any longer, nor will my Father.





Redeemed.